Often, a trivial event serves as the catalyst. This particular time, the sound of sticky pages was the cause when I reached for a weathered book resting in proximity to the window. That is the effect of damp air. I found myself hesitating for a long moment, methodically dividing each page, and somehow his name surfaced again, quietly, without asking.
One finds a unique attribute in esteemed figures like the Sayadaw. You don’t actually see them very much. One might see them, yet only from a detached viewpoint, perceived via the medium of lore, recollections, and broken quotes whose origins have become blurred over time. When I think of Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw, he is defined by his absences. A lack of showmanship, a lack of haste, and a lack of justification. Those missing elements convey a deeper truth than most rhetoric.
I once remember posing a question to someone regarding his character. It wasn't a direct or official inquiry. Just a casual question, as if I were asking about the weather. My companion nodded, smiled gently, and noted “Ah, Sayadaw… he possesses great steadiness.” The conversation ended there, without any expansion. At the time, I felt slightly disappointed. Looking back, I realize the answer was ideal.
The time is currently mid-afternoon in my location. The illumination is flat, lacking any golden or theatrical quality—it is simply light. I have chosen to sit on the ground rather than the seat, without a specific motive. Perhaps my spine desired a different sort of challenge this morning. I find myself contemplating steadiness and its actual uniqueness. Wisdom is a frequent topic of discussion, yet steadiness seems more difficult to achieve. Wisdom allows for admiration from a remote vantage point. Steadiness has to be lived next to, day after day.
Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw navigated a lifetime of constant change Political upheavals, societal transitions, and cycles of erosion and renewal that characterizes the modern history of Burma. Yet, when individuals recall his life, they don't emphasize his perspectives or allegiances They speak primarily of his consistency. As if he were a permanent landmark that stayed still while the environment fluctuated. It is difficult to understand how one can maintain that state without turning stiff. That particular harmony feels incredibly rare
A small scene continues to replay in my thoughts, even though I cannot verify if the memory matches the reality. A monk taking great care to fix his robe in a slow manner, as if he were entirely free from any sense of urgency. It is possible that the figure was not actually Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw. Memory blurs people together. However, the emotion associated with it persisted. That impression of not being hurried by external pressures.
I find myself questioning the personal toll of being such an individual. Not in a dramatic fashion, but in the simple cost more info of daily existence. Silent sacrifices that do not seem like losses to the casual eye. Choosing not to engage in certain conversations. Accepting that others may misunderstand you. Allowing others to project whatever they need onto you. I don’t know if he thought about these things. Perhaps he did not, and perhaps that is exactly the essence.
My hands are now covered in dust from the old book. I brush it off absentmindedly. Composing this reflection feels somewhat gratuitous, but in a good way. Not all reflections need to serve a specific purpose. Sometimes, the simple act of acknowledgement is enough. that certain existences leave a lasting trace. never having sought to explain their own nature. Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw feels very much like that to me. A presence felt more than understood, and maybe meant to stay that way.